800 x 600

"800 x 600 is the small resolution that we still use nowadays. it fit on the old CRT and did not look so bad in LCD"

what does it mean? just i don't want something that too "unreachable" this year and not too easy enough to cough.

here we goes, 2009 resolution 800 x 600 :

1. 90% attending classes and better than 2,67- because it's already bye bye 3,5 and 2,67 is my highest, and by that i mean i enter the class myself and understand the subject

2. pray more, do less - too much works made me forgot to pray somehow, maybe that's why i never did a perfect one

3. bye bye porn - want to stop this as soon as possible, haha

4. more movies! - there will be at least five movies of "copyright autistneverdie" on 2009

5. soft lens - i just want to, wonder how it would feel like

6. having her as my girlfriend - if i could, life partner. and by the way, who is this"her"?

7. come home more often - i always get this workaholic session overboard, so i hope i could just rest more, even not at my home

seven, maybe that's enough...

hope that this resolution fits for me!

happy new year 2009!

autistneverdie

two thousand and eight

what do you think of 2008, incoming to it's end?

if i must say,

"two thousand and eight is a year about starting everything i haven't. otherwise, it's fake"

resolutions are things everyone having at the start of every year, but as always, not every single resolutions are granted and achieved.

so, what was your resolutions for 2008?

here's my resolutions for 2008, and a slight review for why this and why that:

1. gpa over 3.25 - failed

that time i still don't know what my final scores yet, actually i still believe that i could get a 3, even if it not 3.25. in fact, i only get 2.39 overall

2. get an A for videography's final project - succeed

thanks to the best director ever, ronaldiaz hartantyo. but this ends with him being fired from being a crew of lfm. sad story of the year - that month -

3. physics - succeed

i just like physics and hate math, no matter how i could do it better on math and sucks on physics.

4. have camcorder - failed

somehow me and my father just talked about it these last months of 2008, maybe i'll get it on 2009, but still it's not acquired yet on 2008

5. good and longing relationship with her - failed

we broke up, thanks - and i shouldn't say sorry, should i?

6. holiday, faraway, and being far from technology - succeed

thanks to lfm's photocamp, i was being far from technology. sadly we still be able to bring gadget there, but that was fun!

7. not being thinner than [78 - 5] kgs - succeed

well it's something someone wants me to, so i won't be so thin that looks like a drugs user

okay, maybe that's all, for the resolutions of 2008, what has succeeded and what has failed.
succeeded 4/7 , huh? not bad, but i want to have 1/1 for every single resolutions.
hope i could

and what about the resolutions for 2009?

resolutions for 2009?
there's still 3 days left, for sure i will think about it.

"else than having her as my girlfriend - if could, life partner -"

autistneverdie

ongoing jakarta once again

two point five hours on the journey to jakarta
three hours online
seven hours sleep
two hours online
two hours play indoor football
three hours of rest
two hours on the journey to my grandpa's house
twenty hours of boring - including online, sleep, watches serial tv
one hour going to bulungan
one hour of waiting for friends, wanting to know who the hell the cuties are
one hour of waiting people
one hour of negotiating
one hour online

what am i doing here?
that doesn't even fun and never in a cool situation,
i mean, jakarta is always hot!

autistneverdie

your thanks

"and it's really nothing, just a 'thank you' from me"

so it's not really a gift for me?

-laughing- no matter what the reason is, now i feel thankful for it

it's still, no matter what, the most promising gift i'd ever have,

"thanks"

for the memorable december 7th and 8th i fight for

autistneverdie

merry?

"it's midnight on twenty five of december, what people said would be christmas eve. i'm not into it, and really, i'm not celebrating it"

we come to one conclusion, no matter where we are, we still people with different religions and race, and somehow, it matters in some situation.

in my religion, i should not be saying merry onto those who celebrating it, and so it with celebrating it myself. but is having something to do in the middle of those thing meant that i'm celebrating it?
i'm just having a burn and roast dinner with my friends, nothing in occasional and it can't mean that i'm celebrating what would happen on tomorrow

and well, from those things we knew that there is religious pact that each shall not disturb others with theirs. so that the world can ongoing with it's variations.

"but still, i can't understand why we don't made it into peace nowadays"

autistneverdie

do not know

i want to say "congrats" but somehow i feel kind of sad.
but at least now i know i can reload and increase my pace
thanks
get ready berry
hopefully you read this

autistneverdie

the butterfly

the butterfly has dead
it never leaves me

thanks

autistneverdie

when i look back

when we stop from our usual routine
we just tend to think about things we don't think about in usual terms

this time, i look back onto my past,
part of my memories from my nineteen plus five days years of living

year by year, in the same day every years

december 8th

it's been 19 time i've experiencing those days,
some alone
some with family
few together with friend
fewer together with girlfriend
and once in a lifetime with all my big family in a day where people having holiday together
and for me, this one is the best and the worst
still, all of them are memorable

wondering how many december 8th i'll get past later
because when i look back, every december 8th just get to be different, somehow...

"thanks to everyone for every memorable december 8th i've experienced. life couldn't be better without you guys in it"
"and the last december 8th was just, so meaningful to me. i've never experienced excitement of giving and accepting since many years ago. thanks"

autistneverdie

being december, being infinite

"dinoy alamsyah"

people just keep asking and asking, where does the "dinoy" term comes from?
here we go

it's 1989, near december 8th. mother already had the feeling onto giving birth to me. but since i'm the third child, and there's already my elder sister and brother -means my mom already gave names to her children, boy and girl, and my father just gave his last name, alamsjah to all of his children-, she just confused what name to give to me.

here comes the hero - my elder sister -, she wants to give a name, and then my mother gave the rights of naming me to her.

days before 8th, she already have the name, and slip it under the glass on the table in the family room. it's "dinoy" if a boy is born, and another different strange name if it's a girl(she actually forgot about the girl's name, haha)

why dinoy?

One
it comes from some indonesian's tv show around late 80's, titled "si unyil". and there's a character called "qinoy", which is a sniveler type of character -and thank god it's not my character-.

Two
since i born on the month december, she take the 'd' letter to be the first letter (just like her name, della and the 'd' comes from december, and my brother's name, andry with the 'a' comes from april). so she switched the 'q' with a 'd'
and there you go, 'dinoy'


then december 8th 1989, around 5 am. i was born, a boy. so there i given the name by the most special person in my life, my beloved sister, who born just seven years and four days before my birth, and today is her birthday. and for me, being born at eight is a gift. the symbol '8' is a standing infinite, and for me it means i have no limited possibilities, and stand out the crowd.

"love you, sis... hope this will be a good gift for your birthday"

autistneverdie

organizer

it's been weeks since i have the feeling i'm needing that thing, organizer.
and meanwhile works had just going under optimum expectation where people just didn't notice it. or maybe they did but just keep silent about it.

but when i think of it later -these past few days- i don't think that it would help me much more. maybe it will, for some first days, but after a while, i'll be taking it as something i don't need and having it just sided, not as thing to make me remember anymore.

to think of it, i just need something to remind me to keep on those organizer every time i could.
just because of that, it couldn't be something that even less forgetful but i won't take a catch on it.
it has to be something that, could made me believe in it and do as it say...

i was having it, just few months ago, and now i just feel the lost of having it -not that i'm regretting it-.
i'll just count the days, till the one who will be reminding me onto doing those things came into my life, as my usual partner in doing things together.

"things just won't do as you wish, but you can wish as things happened"

autistneverdie

randomness

hello world

i don't really know what to write here, so i'll just post some random things

++++++++++
one hour later
++++++++++


okay, i'll just skip this one, have to finish things first

autistneverdie

do you believe?

do you believe in people you just met
when you only know them for short of time

do you agree with them more
when they gave you the better way of think
but not the right way
just because you agree with them

is it objectivity we find?
or steadiness of our own statement?

autistneverdie

for those brokenhearted

i found these on 'kaskus' forum and the topic was created by 'fhoofman' on h2h (already licensed to copy)...
just laughed at it when i read it over and over again, so i think you guys should read it too...
i'm not laughing over something funny, but well... just to found out that my life been like that too...
hahaha
well, here it is... enjoy!

1. your ex-love gave her wedding invitation to you personally when suddenly a tear rolled down from your eyes. she wiped it immediately and said, “you’re the one i want to be with… but you didn’t fight for me.”

2. when i was a child, i wanted to grow up and fall in love. now that i’ve grown up and falling, how i wish i was still a child… coz it’s easier to heal a broken knee than a broken heart!

3. the world can be so damn confusing. you wait for the one you love. the one you don’t love, waits for you. but the saddest thing of all… you love him, he loves you, but fate doesn’t want you to be together.

4. letting go doesn’t always mean, “it’s over.” breaking up would not mean, “i’ve had enough.” instead, it’s as good as saying, “i don’t want to see you sad anymore, go on, you deserve someone better.”

5. it hurts when the one you love left you and said, “you deserve someone better.” then all you can say is… “maybe i do.” but deep inside you’re crying coz you know you can’t find “better” when you already found the “best.”

6. “i got tired of waiting for you… i don’t wanna get hurt anymore. so i’m gonna stop hoping and i’ll try to move on… but i’ll walk away slowly… real slow… so if by any chance you wanna stop me, you can still catch up.”

7. “i don’t run from you, i walk away slowly. and it kills me because you don’t care enough to stop me. ”

8. i’ve done the bravest thing in my life. i let go of someone i love so much. but as i did the bravest thing, i never felt weaker. all i did was cry and wish that, “hope i was never that brave.”

9. did you ever love someone but you had to let them go, you thought they don’t love you, never cared. one day, you see that person again, already with a kid. you ask them, what’s the name of the kid, they smiled and said, “same as yours.”

10. when you walked by, i told my friend, “i loved that guy.” my friend asked me, “so why did you let him go?” i answered, “if he were mine, do you think i’ll ever let him go?” again, the one that got away......

11. people say that love is the best gift anyone could give and have… my heart was crushed and i asked myself: “isn’t it tragic when i’ve got so much love to give, yet no one seems to want it?”

12. sometimes there would come a time when we have to stop loving someone. why? not because the person started hating us, but because we ran out of reasons to fight for what we feel.

13. life is ironic! sometimes you keep on crying even if the guy neglects you, but you get surprised one day that just when you stopped crying and found someone new, that’s when he starts crying over losing you…

14. love that we can not have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.

15. the worst feeling isn’t being lonely. it’s being forgotten by someone you could never forget.

it's lucky that i had get over some of those. :D

autistneverdie

turn back

everybody has their time of turning back
cause
everything has to be change and every little thing is meant to be something in this world

every little thing we do
every little thing we did

it's just every little something that won't matters to our life yet affects it so much
and it's not as big as love or study or work or whatever but something affects them all

and everyone just doesn't realize it yet
no one just realize it yet
but no one just realize it
yet i don't want to know why is it
don't want to know why is it

turn back

turn back
turn back, my friend
look back to me and everyone you left
around

turn back and see what we can do
together we can do
together but we won't do it
if you want to be alone
if you want to be alone
if you want to never be free

never be free to yourself
to ourself, to myself, to themself
to everyone in this life of us
to every little things matter to us
also every single matters that affects our life till the end


turn back, baby
things just happened

autistneverdie

a day of travel

celebrating my mom's birthday today on the morning,
i went to jakarta yesterday afternoon and get there on evening

05.25 the morning comes true with a statement
"i haven't finished my editing project, but i have many things to do"

08.13 awaking
so i woke up early to start editing, but somehow i fallen asleep again for an hour

11.25 the editing is finished - almost -
and i went to campus, previewing things and print my mom's birthday card
my editing preview has somethings to reedit and then i went to TA to print the card

12.10 doing reediting and previewing until 2 pm
calling travel agency, xtrans...
hmm...
"hello, with **** here, can i help you?"
"is there any departure today to pondok indah?"
"it was, but already depart just five minutes ago"
"... (damn you)"
"but you can try the departure from cihampelas, sir?"
"what's the number?"
"*****"
"okay, thanks..."
so i called it, but it was busy for half an hour
then i called baraya travel
"hello, baraya travel with *** can i help you?"
"is there still any departure today?"
"already full booked till tonight sir, for every departure to and from everywhere"
"(freaked out) what? okay, maybe i'll just be on waiting list"
damn it...
calling xtrans on cihampelas
"helloblabla"
"yes, still departure to pi?"
"yeah, on five."
"i'll book one, how much it cost?"
"seventy thousand, sir"
"(full shocked) urh... okay... thanks"
shit, 70grand? cititrans is better with the same price
calling cititrans
"hello cititrans good afternoon."
"is there still any unbooked departure for today?'
"no sir, we are already full booked"
"oh, okay then... thanks"
damned

3.35 i was fallen asleep and then going onto baraya travel with panjie
the damn one was i don't know the place, and it's really on the inside of building that it's hard to see from outside...

3.55 good thing, i still can get one chair...
but the strange one that it's still four chair unoccupied..
haha

4.20 it's raining hard on the toll road

6.35 arrived at baraya pondok indah,
i was so hungry, then eating at pi mcd
after eating i flew away to pondok indah mall

7.05 arrived on pim, then went straight to gramedia to find some book for my mother
still confused what to buy, then after some friends saying, i bought a book about mother's pray


9.00 come down and bought ice cream cone from aw
went around somewhere and found a promo stand about figures
found some figures about doraemon!
and so many doraemon but no nobita!
i found one, but only the small one
well, in the end i buy nothing there and went home

9.40 arrived at home, and mom's already slept
so i drink some water to clean the ice cream flavor inside my mouth
and then my dad talked about "can't move the phone book to new handphone"
then i shocked till drop when i saw his blackberry bold... i want one too...

10.30 preparing the gift for mom, and place it on the table in the room

5.20 next morning, or today
mom came to my room and saying thanks
i felt happy, haha

6.30
already have to go back to bandung, so i woke up early and preparing for everything
at last, i'm having breakfast for the first time in the last 2 months, haha

7.50
aah i have to go back...arriving at baraya and departing

9.10 fallen asleep at first, but can't get a good one because i'm worrying
about my midtest at 11

10.00 freaked out, waiting to arrive at campus before 11...

10.30 arrived at campus! yeah...

11.00 statistical data analyzing mid test... cleared with some good premonition! haha

well
don't know, just want to write a story
somehow doing it is far more better than just talking about it

autistneverdie

too fair, isn't it

it's just too fair
life just too fair

it's karma, whatever you did, happens to you in the future

no matter what it's just too fair
why can't i be a villain
who enjoy doing everything bad and just died as well

why i should be trying to be those prince in black horse,
wearing all those shining black armor?

just for you, just for someone
who i don't even want to know
but i did know


it's just too fair, isn't it?

autistneverdie

ten randomnements

# Each blogger must post these rules.

# Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.

# Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.

# Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and to read your blog


-note:randomnements isn't even a word-
i woke up in a morning and reading some sickening small font of my friend's blog
now i'm doing this, but i'm not making my readers having eyesore with small fonts

[ten]
i don't like strawberry,
but somehow i tend to like strawberry-lover
and it happened not just once or twice

[nine]
i'm autist, just because everybody said so
that's the only labeling that affects my life besides fat! haha
it started around my 2nd year of high school,
where one year counted as nothing there and only work and work and work,
but still, without study

[eight]
i'm forgetting things so fast,
the absolute thing i forgot is recent school subject,
that's why i never got to learn before taking a test
because i'll just forgot about it
what i'll remember is random things people said in random place when the time is random

[seven]
i love my family so much,
but i love them more when i'm not with them
because that's when i know how much i missed them
but i'm not saying that home is the most comfortable place

[six]
i love art, and i hate physics
i love play, and i hate physics
i love designing, and i hate physics
i love media, and i hate physics

wonder how i can still survive in studying physics as my major in college
but you know, till know i still glad that i don't have my likings onto something i have to study
because no matter what, i hate studying the most
and if i have to study of what i like, i could hate things i like
that would be hard

and yeah, i hate smoke, and i hate smokers

[five]
i want to be game designer
and the world just can't stop from slipping me off that dream
but who knows how it works?
as long as i enjoy my life, i could be what i enjoy

and i truly don't want to be a physician
but i prefer being teacher to daily officers

[four]
i had imaginative friends
and they are real to me
they're everywhere and accompany me wherever i'd go

but now there's people who replace them
that's why i'm more onto social person now
most of you don't even know how dark my past is

[three]
i can fall in love with more than one person at a time
meanwhile girls just had their heart set to me when i just couldn't
the first time i chase someone i had a crush on always failed
but all i know is, the next day they would find me a comfort zone of them

[two]
love fills my life around ten percents
study is one percent
work is around seven percents
other things around five percents
and the whole rest is dedicated to having fun and play

and i play on a big game called 'life'

[one]
i'm not a child
neither an adult
i just understanding my position, whether i have to be what
i'm an acting leader
i'm a good employer
i'm great in being a sidekick
i'm proud to be a jerk
while i'm doing my best to be the best of one

hmm...maybe that's all
who/s tagged?
hae[kal], ni[sa], yudhis, dani ...
i don't know another who reads my blogs [and those last two above, haha], and i think if you read this, you would!

autistneverdie

butterfly

butterfly just doesn't come by itself without brings anything

i hope it brings joy to me

autistneverdie

rain rain rain

it's been raining hard lately...
just rain and rain and rain,
not be able to doing anything

sleep

skipping class

sleep

eat

just nothing productive
just another lame life

autistneverdie

messing with me

well, i think it's enough for some love story about me
people just won't read it further if it is only about those mellowing things
haha, i know

this environment and works are messing with my life

well, let's start with 5W and 1H...

what? my life is messed from those randomly thoughtful needs of peoples, asking for everything i could do without thinking about myself. and the most stupid part is, i said 'yes'

who? those friends, or should i call them friends-in-need-only... actually i won't budge if they aren't like these and good to everyone, not only if they have something they want

why? they're having things they can't do by themselves, and they want me to help, but they won't hear my advice not to even start it, and now wanting my help

where? at college, in house, everywhere they can reach me

how? bulging my phone with calls, with messages, fulfilling my day with uneasiness


well, that's not an actual important
but if you read this and you got the feeling that this post is including you,
take some breath and please,

stop before i destroy my own life

autistneverdie

different morning

here,
placing my hand on top of her
my hand walk around,
vastly
feeling her beauty for the night
part per part of her,
smoothness
and her soft moans in my ear
lustful


somehow i never knew
that this day would come,
only sins left beside us and regret facing upon us
between you and me
between you and me


now i woke up
morning
stares differently under the sunlight
take a walk back and around
it's just dark inside, just bright outside
wonder how i survived
wonder why i survived

i'm the one who wrong
why she's the one who suffers

autistneverdie

just like her, love her

now i wondering, since when it had been like this

what do i like from her, and why do i love her?

i always like her cheeks, but that's not why i love her
i always like her smile, and that couldn't be the reason
i never hate her choices, and that's just fun because i like differences
i want her happy, but she always said that she doesn't need it

i don't know,
i like her, of course.
but there's one question.

"is this feeling right?"

autistneverdie

night watch

"half past eleven in the night, in the middle of my second home. in the middle of somewhere, that only we know"

can't hold it back, i think i have decide to move on and let her be...
i can't be living around her anymore
maybe i'm not in her heart anymore, or never be

things had been going crazy these days, they keep walking around me,
circling around, yeah, those problems...
never wanted to have but always increasing by numbers
continuity
that's what they call it

why am i here?
why don't i go home and sleep
or maybe study at home
making some coffees to drink overnight
or just take a rest as the best

i don't think i'm stupid,
i'm just too lazy to think about this life

"i'm just too lazy, and i supposed to don't want to take a risk, do i?"

autistneverdie

morning gaze

"one morning, i woke up and take a look around. it's already half past nine and i have a class at eleven. somehow i prefer not to take in, whole day..."

i don't know, maybe it's just laziness, or something called free time lust
human never satisfied about things they have, so when they had given one free time,
they'll ask for more, just like me

i look under the table beside my bed, there's books that never touched since the day i get into college, books that deserve to be read but i really had no intention to
what i've been doing here in my room is sleep, eat, and interact with my laptop

where's the direction i'm heading, actually?
does anyone know?

autistneverdie

i should stop

"wonder why i like her, wonder how it comes into this"

it's already one month since then, since i broke up with her
since i try to move on and try to like someone else
but everything isn't just going as easy as usual,
with this additional feeling about love, love, and love

wonder how i could like those strawberry-lovers...
it was her before, now another like her,
i mean, it's not about the strawberry, but almost everything about them is repetitive
but different in some way

maybe one day i'll understand, just as mraz's saying in his life is wonderful

"it takes no time to fall in love
but it takes you years to know what love is
and it takes some fears to make you trust
it takes some tears to make it rust
it takes the dust to have it polished"

maybe i'm a jerk, but maybe i'm not
people are the one who choose, whether i'm in or not
but one thing i know,
i'm trying not to be, but i think my nature is making me one
and she's a jerk, and not trying not to be one
while the other one already stop trusting me

autistneverdie

should i

who don't want their life to be easy?

maybe you don't, but i want my life to be easy
because things hasn't going good lately

why is it, and of course it's connected to things called studying and midtest
where now i sit around and not studying or doing exercise or anything useful for tomorrow's midtest

things about working behind the scenes are tends to want me more professional
and it just hard, not as easy as usual
i have to learn and try to make consumers have a good look on it

one thing i can handle is this relationship with another strawberry lover,
which is i don't even know where is this bringing us to
and that's just not easy, it's just as hard as the other, but i still can handle this

should i run from everything?hahaha
i only found myself standing here, can't even move away from oncoming objects

i'll just let everything get passed on me
no matter what, we can't have everything as we wish
but we can do things we want

if we want to

or should i say "if we can"?haha

"but i know i'm not the person who walks on the most difficult path, so no matter what, i should keep on thanking my creator for all these things he give"

autistneverdie

everyone has their rights to do things they like, hasnt they'?

"u can't do that, you know! that's just made us sick, pretend that you're being the happiest person here! or being the saddest person, or whatever! i don't like it!"

yeah yeah, this is my life, just go away if you don't like it...
why do they even bother to try to care about me when they don't even want to.
and they really not need to say so, because if they don't want to help, just walk out!

it's not like i don't want those attention, but please, if you really want to console a person, just try to do it clearly and talk like people who want to help!

i'm an exact imperfect person, so does everyone else, and that includes you...

but i don' t think this 'you' i mean here even read this things, and even if she read this, she won't understand that i'm talking about her...

"well, she's just don't understand that i need her to walk away, not to talk"

autistneverdie

lfm nightlife

well, nothing serious...

i'm spending my night at lfm again, and there's nobody beside me, on the other words, i'm alone...

it's so quiet now, only my typing, blower, and ym's messaging sound. wonder how everyday lfm is being sooo loud and crowded with peoples everyday and so quiet at night. well, the campus is in that condition too, haha

it's so cold out there and i wonder how it could be so hot in the day. people said that it's because now is the rainy season, so the temperature increased by the day so it would be raining night or the next day. but i think this is just another global warming effect - if it's even real, but if it's not, then it's local hotting -, everyday's just getting hotter everywhere, meanwhile the trees are getting cutted down to the land.

where did our heart go, people?

on facebook, crews are commenting on yesterday's event photos.. and the comments are just, well... read it by yourself, haha... but that's the fun, good thing we are the documenter so we'll have the memories. last time i get into one organization, i almost don't have my own photo inside. xp

i'm chatting with old friend, trying to get her over her problems. and as usual, it's all about love. wonder why we like to spend so much time solving the problem caused by love and somehow get another problem from it. meanwhile we don't really like to solve physics equation, even though we already got the answer.
and maybe i'm just stupid for comparing those,haha...

there's a friend saying, "love comes from inside, and it's more instinct than passion". it comes naturally from inside and you don't do it from your mind or heart alone, but both. but sometime people do forgot when they had fallen in love, that they didn't enjoy loving with heart and mind, so they suffer for it.

somehow i was doing it, but i realize that love aren't just the thing that happened in this world, but it's true that world doesn't perfect if there's no love around...

talking about love, this is the seasons of fall in here, be it fall in love or fall from love and broken. haha, wonder why there's so many of my friends get in relationships while others are being singles again. well, everybody had their own life, so let's just think about our own, that already hard to do,haha...

maybe that's all, i'm thirsty!

autistneverdie

small thought of this big life

"we'll only know the truth if we deserve it. the problem is, we never deserve it..."

i'm not trying to write some miraculously motivating story, but sometime i do wonder about what is the purpose of these things we do now...

i've written a lot of things, but somehow it just get out of the topic.

so let's just straight to the point, why we never deserve the truth?

the truth is, i don't know too, because i don't deserve it too. but that's why we're created as human beings who have the ability to think over things, and speculate somethings about it.

truth, it meant the real meaning or purpose of something, the actual and the real condition that not made and manipulated. and by truth here, i mean the truth of everything.

from my point of view, different things need different level of understanding, so we couldn't understand everything at one time and sometime no matter how hard we try, we just can't understand something.

some say because we still don't think as the stater thinks, we have a different view, we don't think that deep, we can't understand it yet, etc

there's so many statements about the reason why we don't understand. but from my opinion , there's only one truth, and no matter how much the statements, it reach onto one conclusion. we just don't deserve the truth.

well, before we met in one misunderstanding -cause i think i've gone too far- let's stop this.

why?

cause i just don't know the truth, maybe i don't deserve it.

autistneverdie

trial in awakened state

"i'm sorry, i really do but, i don't think i can..."

i woke up in the morning,watched the dream i never think about,shocked.and i think it's really happening.

for the first time,i'm scared of this things,almost cry to my heart,but stop as the dream washed off my head.

i wonder when was the last time i cried from my heart.

nowaday,not only faked smile,i too give faked cry.

wonder what did i do so i can be like this now...

autistneverdie

hot sweet home

"no matter what you say, jakarta is hot!"

maybe that's what i should say about jakarta, the city where i had born and lived my seventeen years.
i really and really don't want to curse the city, but anyhow, it's bad.

facts about jakarta from my view:

1. hot!
2. very hot!
3. traffic jam!
4. criminale!
5. fun! but hot!
6. expensive!
7. it's getting worse

good thing that i'll come back to bandung tomorrow.

by the way, some people said that sitting and doing things under trees is cooling?
no way

it's already 5.30 pm when i took this picture, the sun's starting to set,
but it's still hot outside, and hotter inside!

*additional

cause today will be my last day in jakarta, my mom cooks me something to eat as snacks.

it's a plate full of sausages,nuggets,and french fries.
meals i won't found it free bandung!

but somehow it ends that i won't need dinner again...
and because it's so hot, i made myself a drink

a very-cold-red-cocopandan flavoured-syrup

a drink i won't made and drink in bandung... so fresh in this hot weather!

autistneverdie

i'm almost nineteen and i still play what i played seven years ago

"i don't really care about things outside the world, at least there's something in this world i can live on"

haha

well, that's what i said back then, around 7-8 years ago, when i was playing ro with my friends. sleeping in the internet rental, playing for ten or more hours.

maybe almost all of the boys around my age that time have felt like that too?

i don't know, but what i know is, they don't experiencing it again nowadays. only people who didn't move on and keep playing because of something i don't know is still playing. and now, i'm one of them!

this is already the third month ongoing, me playing this ro-game... it starts at holiday at first, cause i don't really have anything to do at home. but now when my real life starts again, i can't stop it at once! and now when my love life tends to move like a blasted-by-a-hurricane-car, i'm only getting more addicted to it.

sigh, i know i had to stop. maybe i'll just uninstall it from my notebook. can i?

btw, i was chit-chatting with peoples inside the game, and they ask whether i go to school or college. and when i said that i went to "this" college, they labeled me as "the smart person" "wow, ultimate" " very smart guy" etc

is it right? i don't think so. just want to make you guys sure, maybe i'm just as half as lucky to go there, because now i feel so dizzy about all this study things...

autistneverdie

one fun day without one good moment

"okay, today was fun!"

what happened today?
lfm after-ied rendezvous at jakarta, start from plaza senayan to masjid al azhar.
soo many people come, about thirties but still decreased by time.

chronology:

• plaza senayan

start around 12 in the afternoon, people come around in plaza senayan's foodcourt, waiting for people to come more, and decided to move to senayan city and eat 'burger king'.

"about 20 people walk across the street, just like one village come into big town" - brian

• senayan city

burger king! the place where we buy burger and eat it (well, i can't describe more!xp).
we eat, we talk, we chat, we take photos, we say sorry to the people we haven't meet yet, we do so many things!

"i don't think that burger king will make me full. but now i'll say different. it made me quite full!" - maut, andyza, farhan, erri, and so many people i forgot

• pertamina central hospital

we moved to rspp, geri's room. it's 610. just imagine how can 30 or more people get into the room for sick people! haha... lucky that geri's room a big one, so everyone can get in. and geri's getting fatter again, good. but his condition dropped again, so we shall wish him well soon!
after an hour of dillydallying, chatting, kidding, eating, playing, etc-ing at geri's sickroom, we decide to go to grand indonesia. before that, we take some photos in front of rspp's fountain.

"what are we? we made hospital just like a playland!" - rizki

• grand indonesia

next destination is grand indonesia, one of indonesia's biggest and newest mall, a place to 'take a walk' - and by 'walk' i really mean walk, by foot - around. really, we didn't even know what to do here, so we just walking around grand indo, sightseeing in the unbelievably-expensives-stores (and ayu was having doubt about buying a discount-bag or not - she did buy it though), walk, take pictures, walk, pray, and walk, and walk, and walk.
there's some kind of funny event there, in the time we're taking photos with dslrs in the 'asian bridge' in gi's asian section, the guard comes to us and told us that we shouldn't taking pictures with those 'digital cameras', and in additional, he said that the only camera allowed is handphone camera.
isn't handphone camera a digital camera too? weird, haha... and as usual, we don't really mind and keep taking some photos till we had to pray and leave the place.
and we get another encounter with guard too when pray. we were playing "bekel" in the middle of the corridor and the guard comes to us and yelled at us. nyahaha...
oh yeah, we watched the fountain show too. it's beautiful. a really good place to take your girlfriend / boyfriend with you.

"it's just too big. wonder how many person can live here if this mall was built into structured housing complex" - deja

we can't really decide where to go next, hunt on 'monas' or 'kotatua'. but then our stomach decide that we had to go eat. so we went to...

• "roti bakar edi" blok m

okay, we eat again, but now in the street. nothing's so eventful until we were paying the bill. the paying system was awful and confusing both of the buyer and seller. and somehow we had to pay another forty grands to keep on the tab. well, i don't really know who's what here, but i don't think the system good and this event really take our time. (video's ongoing, maybe i'll upload it later)
minutes later, the problem finished - in the end we paid it collectible, 2 grands per person - and it's already half past eight. we don't think we can go to monas or kotatua, so we went to masjid al azhar instead.

"oh, sorry. i was paying on the wrong table," - deja, andyza

• masjid al azhar

another encounter with guards! haha...
erry count it about five times we had encounter guards, two time in PS, two times at GI, and one time here.
we just walk around like some freaky-villager-comes-to-town. and when we want to take photo, the guard cames to haekal and they talk about something.
not intending to cease the moment, we just prepare the pose for the photo session in the stairs, waiting for haekal to come.
voila, after some problems with the tripod, camera positioning, posing, we take some photos.

"why are you guys finding peoples that aren't here to call them 'alay' ? we're the 'alay' ourself, walking here in the night where there is no people and doing crazy things" - adji

that's all folks. i don't really remember all the detail, but today was fun (and full)! haha...
when the photos uploaded to facebook, i'll post in here a.s.a.p.

"why one fun day without one good moment?"
"because all of the moment are great!"

P.S : all of you who didn't come have my sympathy...

autistneverdie

a thought of my bad habit

"i don't know what makes me like this. be it afternoon classes or internet at home. but it's possible to be both"

i think it started about two months ago, when i moved my room on the upper floor. one day they knocked up on my door and asks if i want to implement internet connection or not. and i never realize that it would change my lifestyle like this.

things aren't getting better when i came home. or i could say, it's getting worse. xp. i always slept in the morning, never less than 2 a.m.

well, i believe that so many person life their life worse than mine, so i just can say thanks to god whether i came back to my old life, or not. classes will start soon enough, and i think i get to change this as soon as possible

this is the desk in the night (i capture it on the day, though)

messy, just as my life is going

autistneverdie

blur

i think i'll just try to be more honest to myself, not just to her.

"i've never had a thought that loving someone could lead me to things like these blurriness."

autistneverdie

another day without morning

"i think i'll be overslept again today"

1.40 am in the morning and i still talkin on my notebook, haha...
what a freak, c'mon dude, move on...

sleep...

autistneverdie

welcome!

welcome to the autism of the world
let's just say, enjoy your visit here!

autistneverdie