moving on?

so.

people said that moving on is something you could have, not something you should have.

it's choice, not a need.

but now, in a needing of :

1. better time to writing

2. going mobile so i could write and post everywhere

and blogspot didn't have support for that, please welcome another new family :

my tumblr. :)

it's mainstream, yeah.

i need no acknowledgement from people that i'm anti-mainstream or i'm what.

people judging me is not the least thing i care about, still not the first though, and no priority.

i think this page won't be as active (as it's already as passive i could :p)

so, see you there!

saat yang cocok

nampaknya saat yang cocok untuk menggalau :)

tapi apa daya keinginan tinggal keinginan. menggalau hanya tinggal impian.

mengapa bahagia kau tolak, wahai manusia sempurna?

autistneverdie

welcoming the new family

three years ago, i met her.

she was young, very young.

agile, fast, durable.

many months has passed, many things happened.

rachel, i said.

but now she won't be with me anymore,

going away, left behind.

she's not old, but not young anymore.

didn't passed her productive phase yet, but unable to work much

some problems we had, just can't be finished

we separated yesterday

but now, i'm with rachell.

her sister, much younger, much durable, much agile

hopefully there would be many memories will be made.

more and more...

autistneverdie

weakness

selamat datang pada kehidupan yang penuh rasa sakit dan sesal yang amat dalam!

mereka bilang, "with great power comes great responsibility"
but truly, that doesn't meant that "no power, no responsibility"

sama saja seperti ayam dan telurnya, tidak ada yang datang lebih dulu antara kekuatan dan tanggung jawab, semuanya datang pada saat bersamaan.

bertanggung jawablah, maka kekuatan itu akan datang.
jadilah kuat, maka tanggung jawab itu akan menjadi milikmu

ketika dirimu lemah, tanggung jawab tak akan pergi darimu
sebaliknya, ketika tanggung jawabmu lenyap tak berbekas,
kekuatan belum tentu meninggalkanmu menjadi jejak sejarah hidup


dibutuhkan hati yang tegar untuk menerima kenyataan
dibutuhkan pemikiran yang lugas untuk membedakan bagian mana yang kenyataan dan bukan

tapi tidak dibutuhkan sedikitpun alasan untuk duduk terdiam,
dan melepas tanggung jawabmu, selemah apapun juga.

tidak dibutuhkan sedikitpun alasan untuk tetap menunggu kekuatan itu datang,
dan mendapatkan tanggung jawab

berpikirlah, wahai kaum yang pemikir
bersenang-senanglah, wahai kaum yang pecinta kesenangan
sebetulnya perbedaan itu hanya timbul karena kita berusaha menyatukan,
bukan menerima kenyataan dan bertanggungjawab akan segala yang telah terjadi

seberapa menyakitkan
seberapapun menyedihkan
seberapapun itu memalukan

show some mercy, not your pride
show forgiveness, not your weakness

autistneverdie

look on what i have

i have two feet

i have two hands

i have one simple head

i have a pair of great myopic eyes with same amount

i have five fingers on each hand and foot

i have a big stomach, big enough to eat a chicken alive, if possible

i have a clear head to think

i have sheer strength to sit and stand

i have opportunity to understand

but look how i don't remember all that

look that i have no thankful feeling for what i have

look what i've done.

autistneverdie

what i really want

i just want to help
i just want to help
i just want to help
i just want to help
i just want to help

please, cause me no trouble

i just want to help

will you let me help?

disappointing

di penghujung 2009 dan awal 2010, saya mengira 2010 ini akan baik-baik saja
tanpa nilai mengecewakan, tanpa nilai e.

dua mata kuliah empat sks bernilai random itu bernama fismat dan fistum.
beberapa hari setelah januari bermekaran, terdengar kabar bahwa nilai keduanya ada di batas aman, c.

namun, ternyata repetisi terjadi lagi. tahun depan -atau semester depan- saya harus mengulang lagi hal yang sama yang saya pelajari tahun lalu

sedih, kecewa.

dua mata kuliah tiga sks yang seharusnya pasti bernilai aman karena efek dosen, ternyata berubah. nilai dua-duanya sungguh tidak disangka, e.

have you ever been disappointed on yourself?
have you ever been disappointed on yourself, twice?
have you ever been disappointed on yourself, twice by the same thing?

been there, done that. twice, though.

it's not even good.
the worst.

autistneverdie

a matter of how

i want to eat rice

but i cooked it just too long

and now it's a porridge

foul was never a foul

but it is now

it's a matter of what we'd done to it after

do we still want it or not

not about regretting it be

autistneverdie

hangover

i just can't sleep,

online won't help me getting any sleepy and just wasting time.

writing. yes, writing.

lately i've been thinking of something productive.

not doing it, yet

maybe this is what people do call "nato"

"no action, think only"

surely, this do no good.

autistneverdie

two zero zero nine

gue barusan lagi twittering dan plurking, tiba-tiba baca postnya angga di plurk tentang postingan baru di blog, review sang pemimpi. tapi setelah baca reviewnya, yang gue lakukan malah blogwalking ke bawah-bawah dan menemukan postingan yang isinya kurang lebih tentang "all about 2009 and what's in it"...

another post that gives inspiration, i should say.

dan gue membaca postnya sampe abis, dan terus blogwalking ke puti, cupris, dan ramda seperti disebutkan angga. dan lagi, inspirasi terus mengalir sampai akhirnya muncul keinginan untuk membuat post look back to the past one year and see what has happened and what's not.

okay!

but hey, it's still 2009. there's still five days left in this year.

anything can happen, right?

let's just wait until the year has finished, or almost finished by the hours only. :)

merry weekend!

autistneverdie

perbedaan

sekarang saya nyaris mengerti

mengapa meskipun ayah dan ibu sudah bertahun-tahun menikah

masih saja banyak perbedaan dan selisih diantara mereka

besar ataupun kecil.

karena itulah yang namanya saling melengkapi

autistneverdie

seven sins

there's seven sins, one stronger for each people.

they are

lust

gluttony

greed

sloth

wrath

envy

pride

up until now, i only caught myself onto having pride

which is the main source of the other six sins

i'm having envy as my power to learn

envying for knowledge the others have

the feeling's wrath for no one

but myself, angered

sloth, the weakest point

best of all, worst of all

having greed with no grid

explicit reason behind my mind

gluttony for the food

feast, inside my body, healthy

the last is the lust for something forbidden

the forbidden fruit, and i haven't touch it

i have the pride to envy

to made myself change.

is these sins?

only God, will know.

autistneverdie

pembagian

kita tahu yang sebenarnya terjadi

kita tahu yang sebenarnya harus dilakukan

kita tahu bagaimana caranya

kita tahu

kita hanya tidak mengerti bagaimana cara mengeluarkan pikiran tersebut

kita hanya tidak terbiasa untuk terbuka

kita hanya terlalu ingin menyimpan semua kemenangan untuk kita sendiri

berbagi itu indah, namun berbagi yang salah itu tidak seharusnya benar

autistneverdie

having reasons

i just want to scream out loud

for unable to control myself

but all i can do is stay still and do everything as clear as possible

because reasons doesn't take some reasoning without knowing things

autistneverdie

memory recall

really miss those time where we all laugh without worry

don't sometime we just go merry and happily thought about our future?

the future we had just different from our dream before,

whether it's my imagination or not, it was our destiny or not

we'll still be ourselves

but didn't we forgotting those time that we were together under one sun?

didn't we run on chasing one target

shamelessly, i recall my memory

those who had gone may comeback,

but those who had arrive may gone

forever

one careless mistake for everything and anything

grammatical error, as if people couldn't understand

autistneverdie

inconsideration

between inconsideration or in consideration
different by a single space, but differs a lot by meaning

which am i really?

autistneverdie

losing myself

before i was a wolf, hiding behind skin of rabbit

now i'm only some sheep, carved beside wolves nest

doing nothing beside watching

can't be done something beside watched

i'm imaginable, but i won't imagine too far

not like before, though

but i don't think that's the reason of everything that begans to differ

autistneverdie

this far?

as simple as thinking everything out of my mind
but not as doing everything i talk about

i don't care of everything
but i am sure that i'm care about something

something that we don't even know about

everything was nothing
now everything could be something

but i will still be zero point zero zero zero three

just that for my life this far

autistneverdie

wishlist

i think everybody should have a kind of wishlist

err i do think that dreams are important but you kind of only remember some slight of it

but really, wrote something somewhere so we would remember it

right now, what i really wish:

1. 2,75

2. canon 500d or nikon d5000

3. my old w830i *i really need u back*

4. lasagna

well, it happened that i don't have that many things i wish :p

autistneverdie

it's (not) all about love

"every little thing, i should said"

that answer comes from a question such as 

"how is love affects your life aspects?"

but one thing we should remember, it comes from our mind after we think about it

start to do everything differently, and we'll know that it's not all about love

autistneverdie