should i

who don't want their life to be easy?

maybe you don't, but i want my life to be easy
because things hasn't going good lately

why is it, and of course it's connected to things called studying and midtest
where now i sit around and not studying or doing exercise or anything useful for tomorrow's midtest

things about working behind the scenes are tends to want me more professional
and it just hard, not as easy as usual
i have to learn and try to make consumers have a good look on it

one thing i can handle is this relationship with another strawberry lover,
which is i don't even know where is this bringing us to
and that's just not easy, it's just as hard as the other, but i still can handle this

should i run from everything?hahaha
i only found myself standing here, can't even move away from oncoming objects

i'll just let everything get passed on me
no matter what, we can't have everything as we wish
but we can do things we want

if we want to

or should i say "if we can"?haha

"but i know i'm not the person who walks on the most difficult path, so no matter what, i should keep on thanking my creator for all these things he give"

autistneverdie

everyone has their rights to do things they like, hasnt they'?

"u can't do that, you know! that's just made us sick, pretend that you're being the happiest person here! or being the saddest person, or whatever! i don't like it!"

yeah yeah, this is my life, just go away if you don't like it...
why do they even bother to try to care about me when they don't even want to.
and they really not need to say so, because if they don't want to help, just walk out!

it's not like i don't want those attention, but please, if you really want to console a person, just try to do it clearly and talk like people who want to help!

i'm an exact imperfect person, so does everyone else, and that includes you...

but i don' t think this 'you' i mean here even read this things, and even if she read this, she won't understand that i'm talking about her...

"well, she's just don't understand that i need her to walk away, not to talk"

autistneverdie

lfm nightlife

well, nothing serious...

i'm spending my night at lfm again, and there's nobody beside me, on the other words, i'm alone...

it's so quiet now, only my typing, blower, and ym's messaging sound. wonder how everyday lfm is being sooo loud and crowded with peoples everyday and so quiet at night. well, the campus is in that condition too, haha

it's so cold out there and i wonder how it could be so hot in the day. people said that it's because now is the rainy season, so the temperature increased by the day so it would be raining night or the next day. but i think this is just another global warming effect - if it's even real, but if it's not, then it's local hotting -, everyday's just getting hotter everywhere, meanwhile the trees are getting cutted down to the land.

where did our heart go, people?

on facebook, crews are commenting on yesterday's event photos.. and the comments are just, well... read it by yourself, haha... but that's the fun, good thing we are the documenter so we'll have the memories. last time i get into one organization, i almost don't have my own photo inside. xp

i'm chatting with old friend, trying to get her over her problems. and as usual, it's all about love. wonder why we like to spend so much time solving the problem caused by love and somehow get another problem from it. meanwhile we don't really like to solve physics equation, even though we already got the answer.
and maybe i'm just stupid for comparing those,haha...

there's a friend saying, "love comes from inside, and it's more instinct than passion". it comes naturally from inside and you don't do it from your mind or heart alone, but both. but sometime people do forgot when they had fallen in love, that they didn't enjoy loving with heart and mind, so they suffer for it.

somehow i was doing it, but i realize that love aren't just the thing that happened in this world, but it's true that world doesn't perfect if there's no love around...

talking about love, this is the seasons of fall in here, be it fall in love or fall from love and broken. haha, wonder why there's so many of my friends get in relationships while others are being singles again. well, everybody had their own life, so let's just think about our own, that already hard to do,haha...

maybe that's all, i'm thirsty!

autistneverdie

small thought of this big life

"we'll only know the truth if we deserve it. the problem is, we never deserve it..."

i'm not trying to write some miraculously motivating story, but sometime i do wonder about what is the purpose of these things we do now...

i've written a lot of things, but somehow it just get out of the topic.

so let's just straight to the point, why we never deserve the truth?

the truth is, i don't know too, because i don't deserve it too. but that's why we're created as human beings who have the ability to think over things, and speculate somethings about it.

truth, it meant the real meaning or purpose of something, the actual and the real condition that not made and manipulated. and by truth here, i mean the truth of everything.

from my point of view, different things need different level of understanding, so we couldn't understand everything at one time and sometime no matter how hard we try, we just can't understand something.

some say because we still don't think as the stater thinks, we have a different view, we don't think that deep, we can't understand it yet, etc

there's so many statements about the reason why we don't understand. but from my opinion , there's only one truth, and no matter how much the statements, it reach onto one conclusion. we just don't deserve the truth.

well, before we met in one misunderstanding -cause i think i've gone too far- let's stop this.

why?

cause i just don't know the truth, maybe i don't deserve it.

autistneverdie

trial in awakened state

"i'm sorry, i really do but, i don't think i can..."

i woke up in the morning,watched the dream i never think about,shocked.and i think it's really happening.

for the first time,i'm scared of this things,almost cry to my heart,but stop as the dream washed off my head.

i wonder when was the last time i cried from my heart.

nowaday,not only faked smile,i too give faked cry.

wonder what did i do so i can be like this now...

autistneverdie

hot sweet home

"no matter what you say, jakarta is hot!"

maybe that's what i should say about jakarta, the city where i had born and lived my seventeen years.
i really and really don't want to curse the city, but anyhow, it's bad.

facts about jakarta from my view:

1. hot!
2. very hot!
3. traffic jam!
4. criminale!
5. fun! but hot!
6. expensive!
7. it's getting worse

good thing that i'll come back to bandung tomorrow.

by the way, some people said that sitting and doing things under trees is cooling?
no way

it's already 5.30 pm when i took this picture, the sun's starting to set,
but it's still hot outside, and hotter inside!

*additional

cause today will be my last day in jakarta, my mom cooks me something to eat as snacks.

it's a plate full of sausages,nuggets,and french fries.
meals i won't found it free bandung!

but somehow it ends that i won't need dinner again...
and because it's so hot, i made myself a drink

a very-cold-red-cocopandan flavoured-syrup

a drink i won't made and drink in bandung... so fresh in this hot weather!

autistneverdie

i'm almost nineteen and i still play what i played seven years ago

"i don't really care about things outside the world, at least there's something in this world i can live on"

haha

well, that's what i said back then, around 7-8 years ago, when i was playing ro with my friends. sleeping in the internet rental, playing for ten or more hours.

maybe almost all of the boys around my age that time have felt like that too?

i don't know, but what i know is, they don't experiencing it again nowadays. only people who didn't move on and keep playing because of something i don't know is still playing. and now, i'm one of them!

this is already the third month ongoing, me playing this ro-game... it starts at holiday at first, cause i don't really have anything to do at home. but now when my real life starts again, i can't stop it at once! and now when my love life tends to move like a blasted-by-a-hurricane-car, i'm only getting more addicted to it.

sigh, i know i had to stop. maybe i'll just uninstall it from my notebook. can i?

btw, i was chit-chatting with peoples inside the game, and they ask whether i go to school or college. and when i said that i went to "this" college, they labeled me as "the smart person" "wow, ultimate" " very smart guy" etc

is it right? i don't think so. just want to make you guys sure, maybe i'm just as half as lucky to go there, because now i feel so dizzy about all this study things...

autistneverdie

one fun day without one good moment

"okay, today was fun!"

what happened today?
lfm after-ied rendezvous at jakarta, start from plaza senayan to masjid al azhar.
soo many people come, about thirties but still decreased by time.

chronology:

• plaza senayan

start around 12 in the afternoon, people come around in plaza senayan's foodcourt, waiting for people to come more, and decided to move to senayan city and eat 'burger king'.

"about 20 people walk across the street, just like one village come into big town" - brian

• senayan city

burger king! the place where we buy burger and eat it (well, i can't describe more!xp).
we eat, we talk, we chat, we take photos, we say sorry to the people we haven't meet yet, we do so many things!

"i don't think that burger king will make me full. but now i'll say different. it made me quite full!" - maut, andyza, farhan, erri, and so many people i forgot

• pertamina central hospital

we moved to rspp, geri's room. it's 610. just imagine how can 30 or more people get into the room for sick people! haha... lucky that geri's room a big one, so everyone can get in. and geri's getting fatter again, good. but his condition dropped again, so we shall wish him well soon!
after an hour of dillydallying, chatting, kidding, eating, playing, etc-ing at geri's sickroom, we decide to go to grand indonesia. before that, we take some photos in front of rspp's fountain.

"what are we? we made hospital just like a playland!" - rizki

• grand indonesia

next destination is grand indonesia, one of indonesia's biggest and newest mall, a place to 'take a walk' - and by 'walk' i really mean walk, by foot - around. really, we didn't even know what to do here, so we just walking around grand indo, sightseeing in the unbelievably-expensives-stores (and ayu was having doubt about buying a discount-bag or not - she did buy it though), walk, take pictures, walk, pray, and walk, and walk, and walk.
there's some kind of funny event there, in the time we're taking photos with dslrs in the 'asian bridge' in gi's asian section, the guard comes to us and told us that we shouldn't taking pictures with those 'digital cameras', and in additional, he said that the only camera allowed is handphone camera.
isn't handphone camera a digital camera too? weird, haha... and as usual, we don't really mind and keep taking some photos till we had to pray and leave the place.
and we get another encounter with guard too when pray. we were playing "bekel" in the middle of the corridor and the guard comes to us and yelled at us. nyahaha...
oh yeah, we watched the fountain show too. it's beautiful. a really good place to take your girlfriend / boyfriend with you.

"it's just too big. wonder how many person can live here if this mall was built into structured housing complex" - deja

we can't really decide where to go next, hunt on 'monas' or 'kotatua'. but then our stomach decide that we had to go eat. so we went to...

• "roti bakar edi" blok m

okay, we eat again, but now in the street. nothing's so eventful until we were paying the bill. the paying system was awful and confusing both of the buyer and seller. and somehow we had to pay another forty grands to keep on the tab. well, i don't really know who's what here, but i don't think the system good and this event really take our time. (video's ongoing, maybe i'll upload it later)
minutes later, the problem finished - in the end we paid it collectible, 2 grands per person - and it's already half past eight. we don't think we can go to monas or kotatua, so we went to masjid al azhar instead.

"oh, sorry. i was paying on the wrong table," - deja, andyza

• masjid al azhar

another encounter with guards! haha...
erry count it about five times we had encounter guards, two time in PS, two times at GI, and one time here.
we just walk around like some freaky-villager-comes-to-town. and when we want to take photo, the guard cames to haekal and they talk about something.
not intending to cease the moment, we just prepare the pose for the photo session in the stairs, waiting for haekal to come.
voila, after some problems with the tripod, camera positioning, posing, we take some photos.

"why are you guys finding peoples that aren't here to call them 'alay' ? we're the 'alay' ourself, walking here in the night where there is no people and doing crazy things" - adji

that's all folks. i don't really remember all the detail, but today was fun (and full)! haha...
when the photos uploaded to facebook, i'll post in here a.s.a.p.

"why one fun day without one good moment?"
"because all of the moment are great!"

P.S : all of you who didn't come have my sympathy...

autistneverdie

a thought of my bad habit

"i don't know what makes me like this. be it afternoon classes or internet at home. but it's possible to be both"

i think it started about two months ago, when i moved my room on the upper floor. one day they knocked up on my door and asks if i want to implement internet connection or not. and i never realize that it would change my lifestyle like this.

things aren't getting better when i came home. or i could say, it's getting worse. xp. i always slept in the morning, never less than 2 a.m.

well, i believe that so many person life their life worse than mine, so i just can say thanks to god whether i came back to my old life, or not. classes will start soon enough, and i think i get to change this as soon as possible

this is the desk in the night (i capture it on the day, though)

messy, just as my life is going

autistneverdie

blur

i think i'll just try to be more honest to myself, not just to her.

"i've never had a thought that loving someone could lead me to things like these blurriness."

autistneverdie

another day without morning

"i think i'll be overslept again today"

1.40 am in the morning and i still talkin on my notebook, haha...
what a freak, c'mon dude, move on...

sleep...

autistneverdie

welcome!

welcome to the autism of the world
let's just say, enjoy your visit here!

autistneverdie