do you believe?

do you believe in people you just met
when you only know them for short of time

do you agree with them more
when they gave you the better way of think
but not the right way
just because you agree with them

is it objectivity we find?
or steadiness of our own statement?

autistneverdie

for those brokenhearted

i found these on 'kaskus' forum and the topic was created by 'fhoofman' on h2h (already licensed to copy)...
just laughed at it when i read it over and over again, so i think you guys should read it too...
i'm not laughing over something funny, but well... just to found out that my life been like that too...
hahaha
well, here it is... enjoy!

1. your ex-love gave her wedding invitation to you personally when suddenly a tear rolled down from your eyes. she wiped it immediately and said, “you’re the one i want to be with… but you didn’t fight for me.”

2. when i was a child, i wanted to grow up and fall in love. now that i’ve grown up and falling, how i wish i was still a child… coz it’s easier to heal a broken knee than a broken heart!

3. the world can be so damn confusing. you wait for the one you love. the one you don’t love, waits for you. but the saddest thing of all… you love him, he loves you, but fate doesn’t want you to be together.

4. letting go doesn’t always mean, “it’s over.” breaking up would not mean, “i’ve had enough.” instead, it’s as good as saying, “i don’t want to see you sad anymore, go on, you deserve someone better.”

5. it hurts when the one you love left you and said, “you deserve someone better.” then all you can say is… “maybe i do.” but deep inside you’re crying coz you know you can’t find “better” when you already found the “best.”

6. “i got tired of waiting for you… i don’t wanna get hurt anymore. so i’m gonna stop hoping and i’ll try to move on… but i’ll walk away slowly… real slow… so if by any chance you wanna stop me, you can still catch up.”

7. “i don’t run from you, i walk away slowly. and it kills me because you don’t care enough to stop me. ”

8. i’ve done the bravest thing in my life. i let go of someone i love so much. but as i did the bravest thing, i never felt weaker. all i did was cry and wish that, “hope i was never that brave.”

9. did you ever love someone but you had to let them go, you thought they don’t love you, never cared. one day, you see that person again, already with a kid. you ask them, what’s the name of the kid, they smiled and said, “same as yours.”

10. when you walked by, i told my friend, “i loved that guy.” my friend asked me, “so why did you let him go?” i answered, “if he were mine, do you think i’ll ever let him go?” again, the one that got away......

11. people say that love is the best gift anyone could give and have… my heart was crushed and i asked myself: “isn’t it tragic when i’ve got so much love to give, yet no one seems to want it?”

12. sometimes there would come a time when we have to stop loving someone. why? not because the person started hating us, but because we ran out of reasons to fight for what we feel.

13. life is ironic! sometimes you keep on crying even if the guy neglects you, but you get surprised one day that just when you stopped crying and found someone new, that’s when he starts crying over losing you…

14. love that we can not have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.

15. the worst feeling isn’t being lonely. it’s being forgotten by someone you could never forget.

it's lucky that i had get over some of those. :D

autistneverdie

turn back

everybody has their time of turning back
cause
everything has to be change and every little thing is meant to be something in this world

every little thing we do
every little thing we did

it's just every little something that won't matters to our life yet affects it so much
and it's not as big as love or study or work or whatever but something affects them all

and everyone just doesn't realize it yet
no one just realize it yet
but no one just realize it
yet i don't want to know why is it
don't want to know why is it

turn back

turn back
turn back, my friend
look back to me and everyone you left
around

turn back and see what we can do
together we can do
together but we won't do it
if you want to be alone
if you want to be alone
if you want to never be free

never be free to yourself
to ourself, to myself, to themself
to everyone in this life of us
to every little things matter to us
also every single matters that affects our life till the end


turn back, baby
things just happened

autistneverdie

a day of travel

celebrating my mom's birthday today on the morning,
i went to jakarta yesterday afternoon and get there on evening

05.25 the morning comes true with a statement
"i haven't finished my editing project, but i have many things to do"

08.13 awaking
so i woke up early to start editing, but somehow i fallen asleep again for an hour

11.25 the editing is finished - almost -
and i went to campus, previewing things and print my mom's birthday card
my editing preview has somethings to reedit and then i went to TA to print the card

12.10 doing reediting and previewing until 2 pm
calling travel agency, xtrans...
hmm...
"hello, with **** here, can i help you?"
"is there any departure today to pondok indah?"
"it was, but already depart just five minutes ago"
"... (damn you)"
"but you can try the departure from cihampelas, sir?"
"what's the number?"
"*****"
"okay, thanks..."
so i called it, but it was busy for half an hour
then i called baraya travel
"hello, baraya travel with *** can i help you?"
"is there still any departure today?"
"already full booked till tonight sir, for every departure to and from everywhere"
"(freaked out) what? okay, maybe i'll just be on waiting list"
damn it...
calling xtrans on cihampelas
"helloblabla"
"yes, still departure to pi?"
"yeah, on five."
"i'll book one, how much it cost?"
"seventy thousand, sir"
"(full shocked) urh... okay... thanks"
shit, 70grand? cititrans is better with the same price
calling cititrans
"hello cititrans good afternoon."
"is there still any unbooked departure for today?'
"no sir, we are already full booked"
"oh, okay then... thanks"
damned

3.35 i was fallen asleep and then going onto baraya travel with panjie
the damn one was i don't know the place, and it's really on the inside of building that it's hard to see from outside...

3.55 good thing, i still can get one chair...
but the strange one that it's still four chair unoccupied..
haha

4.20 it's raining hard on the toll road

6.35 arrived at baraya pondok indah,
i was so hungry, then eating at pi mcd
after eating i flew away to pondok indah mall

7.05 arrived on pim, then went straight to gramedia to find some book for my mother
still confused what to buy, then after some friends saying, i bought a book about mother's pray


9.00 come down and bought ice cream cone from aw
went around somewhere and found a promo stand about figures
found some figures about doraemon!
and so many doraemon but no nobita!
i found one, but only the small one
well, in the end i buy nothing there and went home

9.40 arrived at home, and mom's already slept
so i drink some water to clean the ice cream flavor inside my mouth
and then my dad talked about "can't move the phone book to new handphone"
then i shocked till drop when i saw his blackberry bold... i want one too...

10.30 preparing the gift for mom, and place it on the table in the room

5.20 next morning, or today
mom came to my room and saying thanks
i felt happy, haha

6.30
already have to go back to bandung, so i woke up early and preparing for everything
at last, i'm having breakfast for the first time in the last 2 months, haha

7.50
aah i have to go back...arriving at baraya and departing

9.10 fallen asleep at first, but can't get a good one because i'm worrying
about my midtest at 11

10.00 freaked out, waiting to arrive at campus before 11...

10.30 arrived at campus! yeah...

11.00 statistical data analyzing mid test... cleared with some good premonition! haha

well
don't know, just want to write a story
somehow doing it is far more better than just talking about it

autistneverdie

too fair, isn't it

it's just too fair
life just too fair

it's karma, whatever you did, happens to you in the future

no matter what it's just too fair
why can't i be a villain
who enjoy doing everything bad and just died as well

why i should be trying to be those prince in black horse,
wearing all those shining black armor?

just for you, just for someone
who i don't even want to know
but i did know


it's just too fair, isn't it?

autistneverdie

ten randomnements

# Each blogger must post these rules.

# Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.

# Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.

# Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and to read your blog


-note:randomnements isn't even a word-
i woke up in a morning and reading some sickening small font of my friend's blog
now i'm doing this, but i'm not making my readers having eyesore with small fonts

[ten]
i don't like strawberry,
but somehow i tend to like strawberry-lover
and it happened not just once or twice

[nine]
i'm autist, just because everybody said so
that's the only labeling that affects my life besides fat! haha
it started around my 2nd year of high school,
where one year counted as nothing there and only work and work and work,
but still, without study

[eight]
i'm forgetting things so fast,
the absolute thing i forgot is recent school subject,
that's why i never got to learn before taking a test
because i'll just forgot about it
what i'll remember is random things people said in random place when the time is random

[seven]
i love my family so much,
but i love them more when i'm not with them
because that's when i know how much i missed them
but i'm not saying that home is the most comfortable place

[six]
i love art, and i hate physics
i love play, and i hate physics
i love designing, and i hate physics
i love media, and i hate physics

wonder how i can still survive in studying physics as my major in college
but you know, till know i still glad that i don't have my likings onto something i have to study
because no matter what, i hate studying the most
and if i have to study of what i like, i could hate things i like
that would be hard

and yeah, i hate smoke, and i hate smokers

[five]
i want to be game designer
and the world just can't stop from slipping me off that dream
but who knows how it works?
as long as i enjoy my life, i could be what i enjoy

and i truly don't want to be a physician
but i prefer being teacher to daily officers

[four]
i had imaginative friends
and they are real to me
they're everywhere and accompany me wherever i'd go

but now there's people who replace them
that's why i'm more onto social person now
most of you don't even know how dark my past is

[three]
i can fall in love with more than one person at a time
meanwhile girls just had their heart set to me when i just couldn't
the first time i chase someone i had a crush on always failed
but all i know is, the next day they would find me a comfort zone of them

[two]
love fills my life around ten percents
study is one percent
work is around seven percents
other things around five percents
and the whole rest is dedicated to having fun and play

and i play on a big game called 'life'

[one]
i'm not a child
neither an adult
i just understanding my position, whether i have to be what
i'm an acting leader
i'm a good employer
i'm great in being a sidekick
i'm proud to be a jerk
while i'm doing my best to be the best of one

hmm...maybe that's all
who/s tagged?
hae[kal], ni[sa], yudhis, dani ...
i don't know another who reads my blogs [and those last two above, haha], and i think if you read this, you would!

autistneverdie

butterfly

butterfly just doesn't come by itself without brings anything

i hope it brings joy to me

autistneverdie

rain rain rain

it's been raining hard lately...
just rain and rain and rain,
not be able to doing anything

sleep

skipping class

sleep

eat

just nothing productive
just another lame life

autistneverdie

messing with me

well, i think it's enough for some love story about me
people just won't read it further if it is only about those mellowing things
haha, i know

this environment and works are messing with my life

well, let's start with 5W and 1H...

what? my life is messed from those randomly thoughtful needs of peoples, asking for everything i could do without thinking about myself. and the most stupid part is, i said 'yes'

who? those friends, or should i call them friends-in-need-only... actually i won't budge if they aren't like these and good to everyone, not only if they have something they want

why? they're having things they can't do by themselves, and they want me to help, but they won't hear my advice not to even start it, and now wanting my help

where? at college, in house, everywhere they can reach me

how? bulging my phone with calls, with messages, fulfilling my day with uneasiness


well, that's not an actual important
but if you read this and you got the feeling that this post is including you,
take some breath and please,

stop before i destroy my own life

autistneverdie

different morning

here,
placing my hand on top of her
my hand walk around,
vastly
feeling her beauty for the night
part per part of her,
smoothness
and her soft moans in my ear
lustful


somehow i never knew
that this day would come,
only sins left beside us and regret facing upon us
between you and me
between you and me


now i woke up
morning
stares differently under the sunlight
take a walk back and around
it's just dark inside, just bright outside
wonder how i survived
wonder why i survived

i'm the one who wrong
why she's the one who suffers

autistneverdie

just like her, love her

now i wondering, since when it had been like this

what do i like from her, and why do i love her?

i always like her cheeks, but that's not why i love her
i always like her smile, and that couldn't be the reason
i never hate her choices, and that's just fun because i like differences
i want her happy, but she always said that she doesn't need it

i don't know,
i like her, of course.
but there's one question.

"is this feeling right?"

autistneverdie

night watch

"half past eleven in the night, in the middle of my second home. in the middle of somewhere, that only we know"

can't hold it back, i think i have decide to move on and let her be...
i can't be living around her anymore
maybe i'm not in her heart anymore, or never be

things had been going crazy these days, they keep walking around me,
circling around, yeah, those problems...
never wanted to have but always increasing by numbers
continuity
that's what they call it

why am i here?
why don't i go home and sleep
or maybe study at home
making some coffees to drink overnight
or just take a rest as the best

i don't think i'm stupid,
i'm just too lazy to think about this life

"i'm just too lazy, and i supposed to don't want to take a risk, do i?"

autistneverdie

morning gaze

"one morning, i woke up and take a look around. it's already half past nine and i have a class at eleven. somehow i prefer not to take in, whole day..."

i don't know, maybe it's just laziness, or something called free time lust
human never satisfied about things they have, so when they had given one free time,
they'll ask for more, just like me

i look under the table beside my bed, there's books that never touched since the day i get into college, books that deserve to be read but i really had no intention to
what i've been doing here in my room is sleep, eat, and interact with my laptop

where's the direction i'm heading, actually?
does anyone know?

autistneverdie

i should stop

"wonder why i like her, wonder how it comes into this"

it's already one month since then, since i broke up with her
since i try to move on and try to like someone else
but everything isn't just going as easy as usual,
with this additional feeling about love, love, and love

wonder how i could like those strawberry-lovers...
it was her before, now another like her,
i mean, it's not about the strawberry, but almost everything about them is repetitive
but different in some way

maybe one day i'll understand, just as mraz's saying in his life is wonderful

"it takes no time to fall in love
but it takes you years to know what love is
and it takes some fears to make you trust
it takes some tears to make it rust
it takes the dust to have it polished"

maybe i'm a jerk, but maybe i'm not
people are the one who choose, whether i'm in or not
but one thing i know,
i'm trying not to be, but i think my nature is making me one
and she's a jerk, and not trying not to be one
while the other one already stop trusting me

autistneverdie